morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I want a musical about memes.
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