So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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