Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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