I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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