Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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