Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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