I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize