Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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