captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize