we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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