Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize