can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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