In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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