The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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