Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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