Apparently you make a good broom.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize