you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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