Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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