as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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