And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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