His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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