You made me cry and you don't even care
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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