How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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