Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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