Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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