I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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