sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i believe in u and ur pee
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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