your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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