my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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