just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize