Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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