He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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