The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sorry about my life...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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