if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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