I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize