There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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