if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize