i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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