DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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