that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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