After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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