I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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