worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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