If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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