I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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