Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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