it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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