Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize