Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He shit in the fireplace
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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