I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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